I love paper calendars. Every year when I get my new calendar, I like to think about all the potential that exists. What will I end up writing on those pages? What will the future hold?
This year, before I switched out my 2021 calendar for the 2022 version, I decided to flip through the pages from 2021. Looking through the notes and events was like seeing a snapshot of the year. It was fun to look back at the people, activities, and places that filled up my days. As I stood there with a fully experienced 2021 in one hand and a yet to be experienced 2022 on the other, it struck me that I was straddling the past and future but not really thinking about the present.
The past holds our stories and our experiences and it impacts many aspects of our lives. We look back at memories, remember special things that we experienced, and ruminate about what might have been. We think about happy and sad times, cringe at our missteps, wonder about missed opportunities, remember things we did and didn’t achieve, reflect on time passing, and a million other things. It can be hard to get out from under the shadow of the past.
It can also be difficult to ignore the call of the future. There is so much striving in our goal-oriented, achievement-driven culture that it can be difficult to physically and mentally be in the present. There is pressure to be productive and to manage our to-do lists, tasks, calendars, trackers, and planners. There is always something else to strive for, somewhere to be, something to track, or in my case, something I’ll probably be late for.
It can be inspiring to think about the future and what it holds for us. It is motivating to make plans and have goals. At the same time, many people put so much effort into chasing the future that when they do reach their goals, they find that they are still not happy/fulfilled/satisfied. Or they hold out for a better future with a conditional statement by using if/then: If _________ then ___________.
If I get this specific job, then I will be fulfilled.
If I lose this much weight, then I will be beautiful.
If I get this much money in my bank account, then I will be successful.
If I get this kind of love, then I will be worthy.
If this happens, then I will be happy.
The hard part about chasing the future is that we rarely catch up to it. It can seem elusive and out of reach. We get to one milestone and then our idea of beauty, success, or happiness changes and we aren’t satisfied so we keep striving for more. An example of this is looking at a picture of yourself from the past and thinking, “Wow, I looked pretty good back then. I wish I would have appreciated what I had when I had it!”
I’ve been thinking that there must be a way to consciously use present moment thinking so that we can acknowledge the past, look forward to the future, and at the same time appreciate the present. I had a conversation with a friend that helped illuminate this idea.
My friend recently celebrated her birthday and was talking about everything she was feeling at this new age and stage of her life. She had been reflecting on her past and all she had learned and was also discussing big goals that she had for the future. She told me that when it was time to blow out the candles, she had this sudden awareness of being grateful for everything she had in the present moment – the love of her family, her friends standing beside her, her health, and a delicious homemade cake. So instead of making a wish for the future when she blew out the candles, she gave thanks for everything in the present.
What struck me about this comment was how rarely do we hear someone say, “This moment, right now, is everything.” It’s usually more like, “Wasn’t it great when…” or “Won’t it be great when…” hardly ever, “Isn’t this great, right now?”
To have present moment thinking requires both intention and awareness. We need intention so that we can tell ourselves to consciously stay in the moment. We need awareness so that we can focus and fully experience what is happening.
Sometimes what is happening in the present moment is challenging or we are struggling. It’s hard enough to stay in the present when things are going well, why would we stay there when things are difficult?
It is human nature to want to avoid pain and seek pleasure. However, avoiding pain isn’t a solid long-term option. We will all have to experience difficult situations and emotions at one time or another. Staying in the moment helps us to express a full range of emotions, process what we are feeling in that moment, and help us realize that while happiness might be elusive, peace is not.
There is a beautiful quote by Lao Tzu that says:
If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.
I love that the quote doesn’t say, if you are happy you are living in the present, it says if you are at peace.
Peace might mean:
Being in the middle of a difficult experience and deciding to face it head-on.
Letting yourself feel all of your emotions without apology.
Acknowledging the things you usually try to hide like pain, loss, grief, overwhelm, and sadness.
Looking for ways to manage change instead of resisting it.
Acknowledging what you are experiencing in the moment without diminishing it, hiding from it, or fixing it.
The present moment has so much to offer all of us. I hope that regardless of what kind of moment you are in, you will be able to find some kind of peace.
If you are interested in learning more about present moment awareness and living with intention, you can listen to the latest episode of my monthly podcast, Get Big Out Loud. The episode is called “Chasing the Future”: https://youtu.be/PJENZtF6TEA
Previous episodes can be found by searching “Get Big Out Loud” anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Here’s to finding a balance between reflection, appreciation, and striving. May your 2022 calendar be full of wonderful moments and may you enjoy them with intention and awareness!
PS – I’m intentional and aware that I am enjoying the total cuteness of Helfflebelle the guinea pig in the present moment. As I was finishing writing this newsletter she started whistling and chirping emphatically. When I went to see what was going on, she just looked at me and seemed to be saying, “I’m going on. See this cuteness! This is all you need in the present!” She is absolutely right!
