Earlier this week I was walking through a park near my home in Denver, Colorado when I became enamored with a massive tree. This tree was on full display, showing off its changing leaves, bursting with the brilliant colors of fall. Many other trees in the park were well on their way to losing their leaves, all in various stages of disarray, but not this one. When I saw this tree I thought to myself, “How will it know when to let go?” There was a bench perfectly positioned under the tree, like a beacon, saying, “Come sit and think about things for a while.” So I did.
Sitting under the tree I ruminated over the idea of holding on. I thought about how this tree was holding on to thousands of leaves that it would eventually need to release in order to prepare for and survive the winter. I also thought about the mystery of nature and how this tree has a process that is unique to it. Of course, it got me thinking about people and how we are equally mysterious and unique. How we go through the process of holding on and letting go numerous times throughout our lives.
There are many things we hold on to, such as beliefs, behaviors, feelings, actions, relationships, values, priorities, and physical possessions. These things give us a sense of ourselves and give us a place in the world. They help make up our personal identity which is the concept we develop about ourselves throughout our lives.
Our personal identity allows us to say, “I am this kind of person, who does these kinds of things, who thinks this way, has these beliefs, and values these possessions.” A strong personal identity allows us to live with purpose. It helps us develop beneficial relationships and gives us direction in how we want to live our lives.
There are some aspects of our personal identity that serve us in positive ways over the course of our lives. There are some that we outgrow naturally when we realize that they no longer serve us.
Identity isn’t static. If you look at your personal identity over the course of your life, you will notice times when it shifted. Times where you released ideas about who you thought you were. For example:
🍂 When you met someone who challenged your beliefs and you had new thoughts because of it.
🍂 When you had an ah-ha moment about yourself or your place in the world.
🍂 When you experienced adversity or accomplished something that was challenging, out of your comfort zone, or difficult for you.
🍂 When you had an experience that helped you realize a deep truth about yourself.
🍂 When you let go of family or societal expectations and took action on something that was right for you.
🍂 When you literally or figuratively purged some aspect of your “old life” such as: letting go of a job, title, or position, leaving a stagnant or negative relationship, cleaning out your closet, and saying goodbye to clothes you’ll never wear again, or releasing possessions that have lost their meaning.
Part of our human struggle is to know when to hold on and when to let go. This struggle is usually centered in our belief system and periodically that system needs an audit.
Sometimes we believe things about ourselves that are not true. We make definitive statements like, “I always do this”, “I could never do that”, “This is just the way I am”, “I can’t change because…”, or “I’m too _________ to change.” We haven’t taken the time to ask ourselves questions such as:
🍂 Do I want to accept this as my truth?
🍂 Does this serve me or my goals for myself in my present life?
🍂 Is this belief limiting my ability to grow?
🍂 Does this belief come from someone else, or a singular experience, and do I want that to define me?
In addition to rigid beliefs about ourselves, fear is one of the biggest reasons we have a hard time knowing when to let go. Fear is an easy distraction, it keeps us from listening to our intuition. We want to know how it’s all going to work out, we want certainty, assurances, and a plan. If we can’t get those things, we scare ourselves into staying where we are even if it’s uncomfortable, because even in discomfort there is at least familiarity. We know what to expect. This keeps us holding on even when it would benefit us to take a risk.
It is in these times that we need to bring awareness to how we are thinking. To acknowledge that we are changing and to sit with the push-pull feelings of holding on versus letting go.
What if we could look for a way forward with an eye to mimicking nature? To look at the things that we want to hold on to, the things that help us build a strong personal identity, make us feel stable, and bring value to our lives? What if we also looked at the things that no longer serve us, that limit us, or distract us and find ways to actively let them go? We can do this by examining our outdated belief systems, learning how to manage fear, building trust with ourselves, and listening to our intuition.
Learning to do all these things as we navigate the delicate balance of holding on and letting go is a worthy goal. Just like the tree, we are cycling through the seasons of our lives in our own unique way. Instead of resisting, it would be nice to learn how to do it with grace; after all, we’ll be doing it for the rest of our lives.
I am excited to explore these ideas in-depth in the next episode of my podcast Get Big Out Loud. You can listen live, Monday, November 8th at 11:00 a.m. Mountain Time at TransformationTalkRadio.com or watch it on my Facebook page at Facebook.com/knutsonspeaks/. Previous episodes can be found by searching “Get Big Out Loud” anywhere you listen to podcasts.
I can’t wait to visit that big beautiful tree again once its leaves have fallen. This time, as I sit on the bench with a huge pile of leaves at my feet, I’ll think about what I’m holding on to and what I’m ready to let go of. I’ll gain some courage from the massive tree and its ability to intuitively know when to let go. It will be a good reminder for me to embrace the current season of my life and the choices that I can make about what I hold on to and what I let go of.
I hope you can embrace your season too!
